crushing faith

I've tried to grow cherry trees.  I planted two.  I have none.  It would have been nice to post a beautiful picture with bright cherry blossoms at the top to aesthetically get you in the mood for blog reading.

But I don't.

The first tree was taken out by a helpful hand who thought it was unwanted brush.  The second was lost to drought.

I had high dreams of a life filled with cherry pie & jam - serious real night time dreams about a cherry tree.

But some things don't happen in real life.

Like when I was young & prayed for a specific Christmas present.  That didn't happen.  A self-pollinating sour cherry tree still is a dream of mine, but after two attempts, I wonder if it's worth the effort.

If I didn't want one so badly, it might be easier to plant & try again.  Kinda like when I prayed my family would never fight. And for people at school to accept me.

I prayed for joy.

If I didn't really mean those prayers it might have been easier to keep praying when it didn't happen - to keep faith.

But some things don't happen in real life.    

There are words that evoke prayer & faith: "the cancer is back", "mini-stroke", "I cheated on you", "it's over", "she's gone", "miscarriage".  Even people who usually don't pray, wind up on their knees for these situations.  

But some things don't happen in real life.

Unfortunately, most situations can't be fixed by purchasing another cherry tree & starting again.  I don't think anyone’s prayers are like the ones they prayed before that first 'no' answer from God.

There is a rule somewhere (though I haven't seen it) that one must quote Hebrews 11 as a reference to 'faith'.  It's about when God did some seriously amazing 'Yes' things by faith. (I'd recommend reading if you haven't before).

But that is only half the story of faith.

Let me reference this story of Jesus praying by some olive trees.  He said "Father!  All things are possible for You; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will." (Mark 14:36).  Is it possible for Jesus to pray a un-faith filled prayer?   Was He being disingenuous? Making a point for posterity?  I think no.  In faith He was praying God to remove the burden - for Him to not go to the cross the next day.  But real life happened, Judas came to betray & Jesus died.

That's the moment.  The summit point of disappointment.

What should faith be like then?  Don't bounce to the resurrection yet & tie your answer in a nice ribbon.  Seriously, what should faith be like in THAT moment?  

When all is crushed?

When you ask God & He says no?  When the figurative cherry tree doesn't resurrect?
Will your faith be cut at the stump?  Will it wither in drought?  Or worse will it turn into an insincere, obligatory, 'ought to', type of faith?

Those moments really gauge your faith.  Do you believe because you merely have seen & received?

Or do you still hope for the unseen?  

I know where my gauge falls & I am lacking.  But Jesus was faithful.  He IS crushingly faithful; The kind of faith that accepts soul crushing consequences for the unseen hope.  He yielded to God's will be done.

I'm grateful for those around me who have this faith: a woman who now lives her last days trying to control the pain from cancer.  Her legacy of faith is spilled out on Facebook as hundreds of friends post their final good byes to her.   A family whose crushing faith has taken them through a tragic injury & into a different, unasked for future.   Yet they pray simply to see the goodness of the Lord.

That’s the kind of faith I want.  The one where I pray with child-like faith, accept when 'no' is the answer, and still hope for what I can't yet see.

I would have despaired unless I had believed 

that I would see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and let your heart take courage;

Yes, wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:13&14